I think this might me too much excitement for me. Seriously. I should not be allowed to ponder my suddenly successful love life this much.
I guess I knew this was coming. Perhaps I should explain.
I asked Bryan out on Friday. Well, technically Saturday, but hush. Today is Monday. I've had three full days to replay the entire me-asking-him-out-us-kissing scene as many times as possible. I have, in my typical fashion, analyzed, cross-examined, and blushed about it to death. I have examined every way I would have done things differently, and have calculated the likelihood that my reactions were "adorkable," and not just terrible. These numbers grow steadily more pessimistic as time passes.
I tried to text him yesterday, at the advice of a friend. Well, I did text him. He responded well, and then I got overexcited and didn't know what to write and texted something relatively off-topic and awkward. God. I really shouldn't be allowed near boys. At least not attractive, funny, smart ones. I turn into a fool.
So, every night I lie in bed and say, "Time to go to sleep!" I let my thoughts drift, hoping that they will take a sleepy turn so I can wake up well-rested. But lately, I find myself thinking, "Today was a good day, [insert trivial stuff in here]. I have some great friends. I wonder what Bryan's friends are like. I should ask him about them when we go to Noodles. You can learn a lot about someone by what their friends are like. What does that say about me? That I'm awesome, I guess. What else should we talk about? I suppose we could talk about music, too. That's usually a good safe-- I'M NOT TIRED AT ALL! Ugh, brain, stop thinking about Bryan and go to sleep. That safe blackness.... Bryan looks good in black. I wonder if I look good in black. Doesn't everyone? Bryan wears a lot of black, though. I wonder if he was an emo, back when emos were cool. I was a bit of an emo. I bet we can bond over tha--- GODDAMMIT. BRAIN. SLEEP. COME ON."
This is ridiculous. I have a midterm on Wednesday in Organic Chemistry, and I sit there and think, "And that's an aprotic solvent, so Sn2 reactions would work, and geez this is boring. What will I get at Noodles? I'm kinda sick of the Truffle Mac. Maybe I'll get something Asian. I wonder what Bryan will get. Hmm.... can I deduce what he'll order, like Sherlock Holmes? That'd be fun, if I got it right... and then the cyanide ion nucleophillically attacks the carbocation, and whoa, did I just get way off track there? Oops."
Help! Hormones have taken over my body! O^O
This is a bit of a filler post, I guess. I just needed to push some of my anxiety out. Maybe I'll be able to focus better now. And I very very strongly doubt Bryan is anywhere near as affected by all of this, which makes it that much worse. It's one lousy date. I went on a date with HANS, for Christ's sake. Bryan's probably totally chill about all of this. I feel so sorry that he has to handle me. I'm a mess. Is this anywhere near normal? I doubt it. Blah. Girls. We suck. I suck. :(
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