Socially Awkward Romance Part 4.5

Hi guys.

I feel like it's been a while since I've posted anything, doesn't it? Well, not for you, probably. But it feels like a while for me. So there.

I'm not sure what to say, though. Things are the same. Frustratingly, miraculously, depressingly the same. I think about Bryan every day. Every hour, it feels like. Seeing him and talking to him makes my world shine brighter, and the rest of my day feels good, no matter what.

He acts like I'm his only real friend on campus. Whenever we're in a group, he gravitates towards me. When I'm talking to other people, he watches me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't realize that I can see him when he's staring at me.

Everything should be great, right? I mean, this is what a happy relationship sounds like. Except that we're NOT in a relationship. I have to describe him as "my friend, Bryan." And it hurts like a bitch when I do.

And we have a big problem. Those of you that have any knowledge of school anywhere know that December is the end of a semester. I'm currently one week from done with all of my classes. Today is my last German class, and our final is next Wednesday.

It's breaking my heart.

Because German is the reason I get to see Bryan every day. Four days of every week, I am guaranteed to get the dose of Bryan that has, somehow, become necessary to live.

Well, that's a bit melodramatic, isn't it. I sound like Bella Swan.

Oh dear.

Well, anyway, today is my last day of German. The final doesn't count-- we walk in, take the test, and leave. Auf Wiedersehen. And that absolutely terrifies me. I'm so scared that Bryan and I won't see each other as much, and this whatever-we-have will just... fade. We're both just anti-social enough to let that happen. And God, but that just feels horrible.

I want to talk to him about it. I want to be all, "Listen... I don't want to push you. I know you asked for time to suss out your feelings, and that's fine... but our time is running out. I won't get to see you nearly as much next semester, and I don't know where this leaves us. Do you like me nearly as much as I like you? "

But that IS pushing him. He should be the one to make the next move... right? I mean, I agreed to give him time to figure out if he likes me or not. I shouldn't be pestering him about it. But.... FEELS. I can't handle these feels. My heart is like this trampoline: sometimes I'm just bouncing and happy, but sometimes my leg gets stuck in the springs and I'm like, "WHYYYYY."

Is it wrong to be impatient? Is it wrong to demand honesty? Is it wrong to feel so strongly about someone when they have absolutely no obligation to care back?

Feels like it. Ugh.